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Quit Shoulding On Yourself

Yup I said it, don't should all over yourself, boo. It is funny when you realize all your problem areas, struggles, triggers are more than likely something you are doing to yourself, this might sound harsh at first but bear with me. It is truly liberating when you realize your problems are just that- yours. When I think about my anxiety, worries, and stressers, they usually stem from should factors. I should be working this amount of time. I should be making this amount of money. I should say yes to this event. I should feel a certain way about this. I should have said this, done that. And then, once upon a time, I was told the most beautiful chunk of advice, quit shoulding all over yourself.


Girl, did you just feel that weight lifted off your shoulders? Because I did! You are the boss of your life, your feelings and your reactions. There is nothing you SHOULD be doing! Besides obviously taking care of yourself, which a good way to start, is keeping track of all the times you say "I should". Once I put the word should in my list of bad words, things really changed for me.


My lovely cousin Angie Wilson, inspired me in her blog at Angie's Angle, as she talked about being in the now and truly embracing it, rather than getting sucked into the self sabotaging way of thinking what she "should" be doing in her early twenties. I think it is safe to say we can all relate to shoulding on yourself. Take the day and start tracking your shoulds. Write them down and then for the fun part, start to dissect them. Where are your shoulds stemming from? Why are you putting this unnecessary stress on yourself? If it seems important to you, try changing the wording. Let's do a little example, shall we? "I should go to that bridal shower," could be changed to "This person really means a lot to me and I want to be there to support her and show her some lovin'," or let's go back to Sarah Knights Fuck Bucks theory, maybe you really don't want to go to that bridal shower, that's cool too! Time to get out your Fuck Budget and see if it is something you really want to use a Fuck Buck on, or if you want to save it and give your energy and time, Fuck Bucks, somewhere else!


Don't allow yourself unnecessary stress and anxiety, the world can do that on its own. You have the power to control your life and your feelings. Yes, some things will come that you can't control, I get that! I hate to break it to you, though, you will always have the power to control how you react and feel towards them. Yes, if something tragic happens, you still get to control your emotions towards it, and from someone who used to think "controlling" it was surprising those emotions and disassociating, I now realize it is important to take the time to feel those emotions, feel the sadness, the anger, because you have to feel to heal. (Yes I stole that from the quote I shared on my stories the other day, isn't it brilliant?)


So you lovely human being, you, quit shoulding on yourself, will you? Do what you want to do, for you! Remember you have the power to design the life you want to live. Most of us have spent our whole lives shoulding on ourselves, so it will take some time to unshould yourself. I started by writing "should" with a circle, crossed it out and stuck it to a wall I walk by everyday. I really had to be aware of how often I said it, and once you do, you will not believe how much you truly should on yourself. Realize why you are doing it, see if it is something you could reword, or get rid of completely.


Unshould yourself, and do you, baby!

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