If I could only choose one lesson to leave counseling with, it would be to give myself grace. When I started unraveling all my problems areas and triggers in counseling, I found out many of them involved me not being in control. For example, we all know my biggest problem area was feeling and expressing emotions, because when I did I felt like I wasn't in control of them but when I had no emotions, I was, well- making sure I didn't have any! Once we were able to make that connection to so many things around me, I had to figure out what was next. How can I handle and process that sense of loss of control? My answer, to give myself grace.
If I have an emotion, or even if I didn't have an emotion (which was then a struggle once I was ready to feel and express them) I had to remind myself that everything will be okay, however I react to this situation is okay because my feelings or lack thereof are relevant to me. As I continue my counseling journey, there are so many times I find myself getting frustrated that I went back to my old ways of shutting down or negative self talk, but guess what, those parts of me are always going to be there. I just now have tools and resources that help me control how often those circumstances happen or how quickly I can get back out of them.
As I was stuck in a rut once again this week, I want to emphasize that it is totally normal to get in negative head spaces as long as you know you are able to get yourself out of them, you are human, give yourself grace and then return to being in your comfortable self. Okay, as I was saying, my negative self talk was screaming at me this week and my counselor asked me, would you be talking to your best friend like that? I obviously said no, and she was like, "well, why the hell would you be talking to yourself like that?" An instant, lightbulb moment. Why would I ever be so harsh to myself, why am I causing myself harm by thinking negative thoughts. I instantly decided my 2021 word to live by, would be grace.
You deserve to be your best friend. You need to remember to take care of yourself. You are your main priority. Before you even think for one second that is being selfish, let me tell you, humans are meant to be selfish! But then someone, somewhere decided that was a negative thing and we were then so caught up with pleasing others, that we forgot about ourselves, leaving a lot of us to not even know who we are, what we like, what we need. Remember, you can't fully be there for someone else if you aren't first there for yourself. You have to take care of yourself to be your full potential in order to give your support, love and care to people around you. So take the next few days and be totally selfish. Really focus on doing things for you, and then when you reach out to be there for someone else, see if there was a difference. And above all, give yourself grace, you are doing the best you can, girl, and I am proud of you for that!