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Getting Vulnerable With Vulnerability

What's the problem with vulnerability? Seriously, that is a real question, think about it. Why is it, that we all struggle with being vulnerable? It is something that makes us very uncomfortable. At some point in our lives we are taught to suppress our emotions, our feelings and to be "strong," but I think true strength comes when you show up, when you become your true self, when you speak your truth.- when you bravely and unapologetically let your guard down. Sound liberating or are you scared shitless?

If your answer was scared shitless, I feel you! Even typing out vulnerability makes me uneasy, BUT I now believe vulnerability is the key to happiness. Remember that girl I always talk about that was severely emotionally constipated, even a gigantic enema wasn't going to push through that shit (lol poop jokes), well yeah, that chick- me, was real good at dodging anything and everything vulnerability. Vulnerability meant letting my guard down, letting my guard down meant possible feelings, feelings turned into pain. I couldn't control my physical pain, so instead I decided to "control" my emotional pain by not feeling it. Oh, little girl, if you only knew that would royally fuck you up down the road. Anywhosers, without being vulnerable I wasn't able to feel and express what I needed. I wasn't able to build connections and relationships with people. I wasn't able to feel true love, because I wouldn't dare let anyone get that close. I had built a big brick wall in front of me.

I knew when I started back on my mental health journey that I needed to learn how to do emotions, yeah, yeah, I have said that a million times, but as I keep diving more into it, I am realizing that emotions are just the tip of the iceberg. What I am needing is vulnerability. I need to open up to my full authentic self. Two weeks ago I shared the most vulnerable sentence I have ever shared. It was short, to the point, and frankly, most people probably didn't even bat an eye about it. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It was the first time I had ever publicly said that. My heart is literally racing as I type this out, because, again, vulnerability scares the shit out of me. When I typed this out the first time, two weeks ago, my body took over, I was literally shaking, my heart was racing and I ended up having a tension migraine for 12 straight hours that caused me to puke because I was in so much pain. All because I was that freaking scared to be vulnerable, but guess what y'all, after all that was done, I was flooded with relief.

I was vulnerable, it was scary, but I survived. Not only did I survive, I finally took the first step to being me, to moving on and letting go. I was ready to take the power back, I didn't want to struggle with this in silence, I didn't want my past trauma to consume me and the most amazing thing of all, is I connected with someone who shared a similar experience. I wasn't alone anymore. That is what vulnerability can do for you. It can release you from your burdens. It can help you build relationships and connect with others. It can show you that you are not alone in whatever it is that you are struggling with. It can bring together a community. It can strengthen the relationships you do have. Because you can be honest, you can be yourself and the world truly truly needs your true self, honey! I challenge you to be vulnerable. Even if it is one simple sentence. Speak your truth and let the world take the weight off your shoulders.

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